Meet your doom

First off, a congratulations to Mr. R. Greetles on becoming the 41st Mayor of Grito. Let's hope you're somewhat more competent than your predecessor, and much less dependent on adventurers.

Well well. It looks like I'm going to have company. Really, as I posted previously here in my 'blog', I'm not at all worried. Well, maybe a little worried about the damage that might occur to my new drapes and sofa. The PCs and their retarded friends have made their way to Greyhelm, presumably to seek me out.

This is sort of like one of those chess puzzlers you might see at the bottom of the comics page in your daily newspaper, where it looks like black has the advantage, but the instructions say: "White to mate in four. Hint: White is a POWERFUL FIREBALL-CASTING WIZARD." Something like that.

How many hp does Marivhon have? Even assuming he'll make his save, it's likely a fireball will kill him. What good friends, to lead someone to certain doom. Marivhon, if you're reading this, it's not too late to turn back. Then again, he does have a Wisdom of 5, so perhaps his lot in life is just to go knocking on death's many doors until finally, mercifully, one of them lets him in for a nice cuppa.

Let's do it. I'm sure Greetles will make a nice memorial space for you between the petunias and the tomatos.

Illusionists are gay

So did you hear the news? ABCDMM just MURDERED THE MAYOR OF GRITO.

In case you missed that:

ABCDMM JUST MURDERED MAYOR BRODERICK THE MAYOR OF GRITO.

And now they're having an election for the new mayor. If I didn't 1) hate Grito and 2) think that this whole election thing is bogus and 3) was sure to be assaulted by ABCDMM, I'd consider running for mayor. I know Grito, I've got credentials, I can do the job.

Sigh. In all honesty though, I have to admit the choice of Ronald Greetles is a good one. For those of you who don't know, Mr. Greetles was my personal assistant for several years. Let's make that clear, he wasn't a Guildmember, not the Assistant Guildmaster, but the Assistant to the Guildmaster. Kinda like that Mike Brown guy, except actually pretty darn good at his job. I could always count on Mr. Greetles to get the job done, done well, and done on time. So I'll be voting for Mr. R. Greetles come election day. By absentee ballot of course.

Also a consideration here is who the other candidates are. Yes, a kobold assistant may not be the best guy to run Grito, a town with more than its share of trouble. Fortunately, it's unlikely ABCDMM will murder Greetles even after he becomes mayor. Unfortunately, this might mean Greetles will be a puppet governor under ABCDMM, but that's probably giving those PC fuckers much more credit than they deserve. Anyway, the blacksmith and the nephew guy aren't horrible choices, but also have negligible experience suitable for the job.

But who the hell is this Stanislaus guy?! An illusionist? Building a "Tower of Illusion"? That is the most retarded thing I've heard since I was fooled into thinking Master Meifer was a real Guildsman. Illusionists are completely lame. They're just horrible, third-chair mages. You get two saves vs their spells, one against the spell like normal, and another bonus save against the LAME ILLUSION MAGIC. Can I disbelieve in this guy altogether and just be done with it?

One more piece of evidence that the GM here is creatively bankrupt. "Tower of Illusion." That is so sad. A bet there's going to be a mimic and a lurker above. Plus, oh I don't know, maybe some GAY ILLUSIONS? "It's an illusionary carpet, over a 10' pit! I am the ROXXOR!"

So look, guys, if you're reading this. I know we've had our disagreements. I utterly and completely hate you, for well-defined reasons. You hate me too, I'm okay with that, because you guys are evil murdering lowlife scum. But if you happen to murder this illusionist guy? That's okay by me. Just consider it, doing him in, as a matter of principle. The principle being: ILLUSIONISTS SUCK. It'll be like you're doing him a favor, you can Animate Dead him and your zombie thief guy can have a pal.

Peace.

Monks 1, PCs 0. I'll drink to that!

Okay, so I figured it out. There's a little trash can next to comments and you can use that to delete 'flames' or 'spam' or posts from 'trolls'. Cinder, you'll note that your last comment on the previous post was deleted. This was intentional. Now, I'm pretty busy, so I don't have all day to sit around policing The Potion Guild blog and deleting everything. If you'd like to leave a constructive comment or item that's newsworthy, well, even though I hate you, you have that option. As moderator of this message board I can rise above my personal differences. But if you're adding nothing more than 'VRILL IS THE SUXOR LOL', please, don't bother. Who benefits from your childishness and immaturity? Certainly not me, nor my readers. When I read on someone else's blog such inflammatory remarks, it makes me think less of the poster, not the victim. Think on that if you will. Although as is now obvious, you only have IQ:8 and WI:9, so the likelihood that you'll think very hard is depressingly small.

I'd like to take this opportunity to say: ha ha, you guys are such LOSERS. The Grand Master Monk completely faced you. How's it feel to LOSE, losers? Probably not very good I bet. And I'll say that you guys totally fucked up that combat. Whoever your idiotic DM is, he's either not trying very hard or being totally easy on you. And what was he thinking putting you up against a guy whose level is higher than all your combined levels? Is your DM 8 years old perchance? That was a completely moronic adventure from beginning to end. Again, I TAKE PITY on you for such a sucky dungeon. But I did get a good laugh from reading the annals of your dorky dungeons and dragons blog. More than that, though, I now have figured out your strategy. Each of you has obvious behavioral patterns that I shall take into account the next time we do battle; a mage of my level and calibre should have no problem readily dispatching most of your standard tactics. In fact, I've acquired some dice and run a couple simulations, and I estimate that in three rounds I can destroy your entire party. So let's just say I'm no longer worried about future skirmishes.

Although I do see that you received the restraining order. A necessary legal precaution. I would prefer to just have being a PC made illegal, so you could be immediately arrested and hanged or something, but 'no harm no foul' as they say, although I seriously beg to differ on the 'no harm' part of that phrase. Apparently though you can't just make a law that says PCs are illegal. Believe me, it's been looked into.

Sorry to bore you, blogosphere, with the horrible details of my conflict with a few certain individuals. In other news, I'm thinking about getting other aspects of my life back in order. A certain friend of mine in the legal business who will remain nameless is interested in a certain breed of dog that I, coincidentally enough, have much experience in! I've also begun to put feelers out to see if there might be a new position for me in a certain organization, and, I don't want to say too much now, but things seem hopeful.

Optimistically yours,
GV.