The afterlife: an update
Hi everyone, Vrill here again. Finally. I'm again using the modem at Le Coffee Chateau to check email and such. Did everyone have a good New Year's? I didn't. Because, you know, I'm FUCKING DEAD. This place stinks.
God is it boring down here. You know, I had a lot of stuff going on. Can't even so much make a Potion of Friends here, wherever the hell I am. Like I posted earlier, readers, I'm not in hell, but I'm not really sure what this is. Purgatory maybe? If I had to guess, I'd say I was in the Concordant Opposition. You know, the plane of True Neutral. Which sort of makes sense. I mean, I was acting in Grito's best interest, so I might have guessed the Lawful Good Seven Heavens, but sometimes the means to a noble end are less than Lawful and some may say not 100% Good.
It wouldn't be so bad though if there was anyone else down here who was interesting AT ALL. I try to talk about the situation in Grito, or discuss design principles of owlbears with the guy next to me, and he just sort of looks at me and walks over to the broken vending machine by the men's room. How rude. At least there are no PCs down here. Then, readers, I would know for a fact that I was in Hell.
I've watched a lot of CNN Money on the big TV in Chili's. It seems an odd choice for television in the afterlife. Did you know that closed captioning isn't perfect? It's almost like they have a guy there, typing in all the words in real time. There are a lot of misspellings and homonyms if you watch carefully. Like Deborah Marchini will be talking about foreign markets and you'll see "For rain markets" come up. But then they erase it and it says "Foreign markets" like the guy realized 'for' was only the first part of the word and not the word itself.
Okay, my time's almost up. That's alright, I'm going to go back over to Chili's and get some southwest eggrolls and chicken crispers. But you know what really sucks? Chili's- well, this whole place really- is dry. That's right, no Coronas for this Potion Guild Grandmaster. Can't even get a fricking bottle of Miller let alone a fine Greyhelm zin.
Maybe I am in Hell.
God is it boring down here. You know, I had a lot of stuff going on. Can't even so much make a Potion of Friends here, wherever the hell I am. Like I posted earlier, readers, I'm not in hell, but I'm not really sure what this is. Purgatory maybe? If I had to guess, I'd say I was in the Concordant Opposition. You know, the plane of True Neutral. Which sort of makes sense. I mean, I was acting in Grito's best interest, so I might have guessed the Lawful Good Seven Heavens, but sometimes the means to a noble end are less than Lawful and some may say not 100% Good.
It wouldn't be so bad though if there was anyone else down here who was interesting AT ALL. I try to talk about the situation in Grito, or discuss design principles of owlbears with the guy next to me, and he just sort of looks at me and walks over to the broken vending machine by the men's room. How rude. At least there are no PCs down here. Then, readers, I would know for a fact that I was in Hell.
I've watched a lot of CNN Money on the big TV in Chili's. It seems an odd choice for television in the afterlife. Did you know that closed captioning isn't perfect? It's almost like they have a guy there, typing in all the words in real time. There are a lot of misspellings and homonyms if you watch carefully. Like Deborah Marchini will be talking about foreign markets and you'll see "For rain markets" come up. But then they erase it and it says "Foreign markets" like the guy realized 'for' was only the first part of the word and not the word itself.
Okay, my time's almost up. That's alright, I'm going to go back over to Chili's and get some southwest eggrolls and chicken crispers. But you know what really sucks? Chili's- well, this whole place really- is dry. That's right, no Coronas for this Potion Guild Grandmaster. Can't even get a fricking bottle of Miller let alone a fine Greyhelm zin.
Maybe I am in Hell.
posted by Master Gregory Vrill at 12:37 PM
2 Comments:
Heheh.
Chili's huh? How the mighty have fallen. Well, I don't know if I should be telling this to my mortal enemy (slain by my own hand, I might add), but you should try the Portabella Mushroom Fajitas. They're pretty fuckin good. They come with all the usual sides, as well as this awesome cilantro-lime sauce. I might just grab some myself when we get out of this spider city, -with an icey cold Budweiser Select of course. It's Bud's new brew, and it's pretty good. I'd describe it to you, but you're never gonna taste it, so whatever.
Budweiser Select, huh? Why don't you just go rub it in? Actually, I tried those fajitas and you're right, they're pretty damn good.
Renwick, you're a magic-user. So you must have a pretty high Intelligence statistic. Although you never know, doesn't Marivhon have like a 5 Wisdom? But let's just assume your IQ is on the bonus side of that Gaussian. Just between you and me, between wizards, let me tell you that adventuring with those guys is trouble. Back out now while you still can, lest you end up down where I am waiting two hours in line drinking a 'frappaccino' waiting to play a Flash game on the world wide web.
Sigh. Apprentice Steve's 'blog' is sort of the thing I hate most about the internet. I'm not really sure what the point of it is. He posts to tell us that he had some salmon? And his spelling and grammar is just atrocious, really, it's offensively bad. But perhaps you're right, I owe it to the lad. At very least I can use his webpage as an example of how not to blog.
And for the last time, I'M DEAD. I DON'T WANT YOUR GODDAMN PENNY STOCKS.
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